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State University of Semarang (SSU) is one
of the biggest state University in Indonesia which was established in 1965.
This University located in capital city of Central Java Province. According to
Education Prime Minister of Indonesia, It has been awarded as the 4th most favorite campus in Indonesia this
year. There are 49.064 applicants who enroll this university. SSU is the first
University that was declared itself as the Conservation University in
Indonesia. This conservation university was declared by Rector of SSU in a
glorious declaration attended by the minister of national education of
Indonesia on March 12th 2010.
The Characteristic of this conservation university’s program like there are no
motorbikes or cars in campus area, using paperless method, and became a green
campus. The idea of conservation has become its vision to be an international
conservation university which is healthy, outstanding, and prosperous.
Currently this university has eight faculties and several post graduate
program. They are Educational sciences faculty, Languages and arts faculty,
Social science faculty, Mathematics and natural sciences faculty, Engineering
faculty, Sport sciences faculty, Economics faculty, and Law faculty. For post
graduate programs, SSU has several department program. They are Educational
Management, Indonesian Language Education, English Language Education, Sport
Education, Art Education, and natural science Education.
Dear Uty,
BalasHapusYour writing is awesome. I like to read your wiritng because you’re describe our university well. Nevertheless, there are some point that you need to check again.
1. in first sentence you said State University of Semarang and you abbreviate it with SSU. It must to be SUS. When you want to abbreviate it with SSU, you should change the State University of Semarang with Semarang State University.
2. In the first sentence you also said ‘one of the biggest state University’. You should change university into universities because one of is followed by plural form.
3. You should be careful with the using of capitalize because there are many words which you shouldn’t use the capitalize such as:
- University (in second line and fifth line)
- Conservation University (in fifth line)
- Rector (sixth line)
- Characteristic (in seventh line)
4. In opposite, you didn’t use the capitalize in some words such as:
- minister of national education (seventh line)
- Educational sciences faculty, Languages and arts faculty, Social science faculty, Mathematics and natural sciences faculty, Engineering faculty, Sport sciences faculty, Economics faculty, and Law faculty (12th line)
- natural science Education (last line)
5. I think your third and fourth sentence can be write as one sentence like “According to Education Prime Minister of Indonesia, It has been awarded as the 4th most favorite campus in Indonesia because there are 49.064 applicants who enroll this university this year.” It will make your sentence more effective than before.
6. in your fifth sentence ” SSU is the first University that was declared itself as the Conservation University in Indonesia” will be better if you change it into “SSU is the first University declared as the Conservation University in Indonesia”
7. your seventh sentence “The Characteristic of this conservation university’s program like there are no motorbikes or cars in campus area, using paperless method, and became a green campus.”is not paralel. It will be better if you change it into “The Characteristic of its program are no motorbikes or cars in campus area, use paperless method, and become a green campus.”
8. several post graduate programprograms because you said ‘several’. It also happen on sentence several department program. you should add ‘s’ in the word program because several have to followed by plural form.
Over all, your writing is very good and I can’t wait to read your other writing. Keep on fire uty! ;)
Thank you for your comment khilma, I'm very appreciate with your proof reading. Hopefully I can be better writer than before . ^_^
BalasHapus